Category Archives: Life

Here, I have to remind myself that most people are human and have therefore gone through – maybe – a similar situation themselves. This makes me feel less like a fuming two year old.

Charlie!  Hey, there.  What are you doing up at 2:32 in the morning?

You know those days (rather, nights) when your head is just so full of thoughts that however much your eyes might be threatening to close, your brain just won’t allow for sleep?  Yeah.  I hate them too.

Shortly following this blog, I’m going to blog about how I’ve been a huge hypocrite to one of my friends, but here I’m actually going to talk about how I’ve been a hypocrite in a slightly smaller way to the same friend.  I keep telling her that she needs to forgive and forget when I can’t seem to do the same myself.

I don’t know if you remember, but a couple months back, I had a huge blowout with…someone I used to know (and then there’s the part two).  I fear this entire thing makes me sound like I’m two years old, but…it’s been a couple months now (when was that posted? Feb? March?  I’m not sure) and I can’t seem to let it go.  This is the only occasion where something like this happened and I carried it around for so long.  But…I can’t seem to figure out exactly why I can’t let it go.

My first idea is that the issue is unresolved, or at least, in my head.  I mean, the entire event came to a conclusion but there are so many things that I want to say to her.  I want her to know that it was unfair for her to push for my roommate to accept her apology like she did and then avoid us for the three or four days following the “you walked on my clean floor with dirty shoes!” event.  I want her to know that it was in those days when she wasn’t talking to us that I came to the realization that she wasn’t someone I wanted in my life.  (Weirdly, I happen to know for a fact that she thinks it started much earlier than that.)  I want her to know that I think she’s disrespectful (and that I happen to think she’s a horrible person for it).

I don’t want her to hate me, per say.  I just want her to know that I think about as much of her as she thinks of me.  Lastly, I want her to understand that I never used her.

There’s also the fact that I want to piss her off.  Sometimes, I think (very briefly) about posting a Facebook status, either song lyrics or…something in rant-ish form, that specifically relates to her, just in the hopes that it will make it’s way back to her and will make her mad.  However, I will not let myself sink to her level, as she made a comment on someone else’s status saying that she knew how it felt to be used and walked on.

In my own quiet way, I guess I do *gulp* hate her.  And I know I need to forgive her.  Don’t get me wrong here.  When I say ‘forgive,’ I don’t mean, “Let’s be buddies!”  I just want to accept what happened and be able to…just forget about it.  I want it to be able to say, “Remember that time when….?” without stirring up some funky emotions.

I want to be able to leave it in the past, but instead, I keep bringing it up in my mind, turning it over and over.

I know that forgiving someone isn’t an easy process.  However, I sometimes feel like forgiving her now would be like stitching up a bullet hole in someone’s shoulder without removing the bullet first.  There’s so much I want to say…But, at this point, I think it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie.  There’s no point in telling her this.  She’ll just respond and instead of removing the bullet, all we’ll be doing is just pushing it deeper.

This was one of the things I miss about school.  There was a woman I worked with there that I became friends with.  She was my voice of reason.  Whenever I had a problem like this, I would talk to her.  (She would also talk to the girl in question, and I could get information on the state of the girl’s mind by talking to this woman.  And I do miss that.)

I just wish there was a 12-step program for this sort of thing, you know?


Live and Learn: Real-live, Not-on-a-Phone Interviews

I had my very first real-live, not-on-a-phone interview the other day.  It was for a foodrunning/table bussing position at a restaurant.  Yay!  Sort of.  I’m not hugely excited about it, but 1. it’s better than nothing and 2. honestly, I don’t think it’ll be that bad.  (Mostly because I would get paid $400-500/week.  I’ve NEVER gotten paid that much.  IN MY LIFE.  Once, I worked a job 9-5, 5 days a week for six weeks and I barely got $500.)

At any rate, I did that interview and now I got a callback from another place for an interview.  This place is MUCH more convenient – I can walk there, should the weather allow it.  At any rate, it’s so easy to get there.  I can bike there when everyone go off to New Hampshire in a few weeks.

Still, I have to get the job so…

Things I learned from my first real-live, not-on-a-phone interview:

  1. Bring your resume.
  2. Smile lots.
  3. DON’T SLOUCH! (Did I slouch?  I don’t know.)
  4. Make sure you talk lots, but without interrupting him.  (There were a couple places in the conversation that I could have said something, but I wasn’t entirely sure that he had finished talking.  I didn’t want to interrupt, you know?)
  5. Try not to sweat.  It’s hard in this heat, but I can’t help but feel that it took a couple points off my uncalculated score.
  6. Make sure that you have the names right of the companies you worked for.
Things I did well (I think?)
  1. I smiled!  YAY! Points for me.
  2. I was relatively eloquent.  Surprisingly so for me, anyways, given that I usually stammer when I’m nervous or upset or anxious or…I dunno, breathing.
  3. I did jump in where he began talking about taskloads and how, in catering, there’s always things to do.  That was good.
  4. I think bringing my own bottle of water and refusing his offer of a glass of water was good.  “Hey, look at me being prepared!”
  5. I was early.  Not sure how early exactly, but I was early.
I think that’s it.  It wasn’t a very long interview.

You can tell I’m excited because, regardless of the fact that I don’t have a specific time, I’m planning Friday out down to the last earring.

SO SO SO…OH EM GEE I’m so excited!  I finally called the woman in charge of the volunteers at a non-profit that runs a garden about coming in to see and talk about the organization and the garden.  Apparently, it’s fallen into disrepair and there’s one other person who contacted her about volunteering there.  So we’re going to meet sometime on Friday (gotta get down on Friday!  Sorry.  I had to do that.  My deepest apologies.).  I’m not sure what time yet – she’s going to email me that.  At any rate, this is actually happening!  I’m so excited.  I’ve already picked out what I’m going to wear.  (Nice pants and a nice shirt, necklace, etc and I’m going to bring crappy clothes and sneakers in case we’re going to start working then and there.)

I’m really excited.

Lol, I got sidetracked and just watched like 30 seconds of about 10 other music videos ARK has produced with other undiscovered teenagers (a couple were hardly that), all auto-tuned and bad lyrics.  It really is horrible.  Eugh.

The weirdest part is that everyone in the office I go to is Indian, which kind of makes me think of the mob and how they’re all stereotypically Italian and all most certainly bring pain to everyone else’s life.

Signs Your Dentist Might Be A Scam Artist:

  1. Your teeth never bother you until after you’ve had a supposed cavity supposedly filled.
  2. When you walk in to the office, you see shower curtains hung in lieu of actual walls.  “We’re redecorating,” your dentist insists as she ushers you to the little cubicle type space where you’ll spend the next two hours.  You notice that what’s supposed to be a dental chair closer resembles the office chair you saw at Target for $50.  Your doctor notices you looking at the wheels on the chair.  “Don’t worry.  The chair doesn’t move,” she says to you, and then under her breath she continues, “The last guy made sure of that.”
  3. Your dentist tells you that she will be working on the tooth third from the back three times, and after she hits you up with novocaine, she proceeds to work on the tooth on the opposite side of your mouth.
  4. She loves to stick all sorts of funky gadgetry in your mouth.  So much so in fact, that you have to wonder if there’s a purpose for half of them or if she’s competing with her coworker over who can fit the most dental tools in their respective client’s mouths.
And finally, sign #5 that your dentist might not really be a dentist:
As you’re rinsing your mouth out, you happen to glance out the window and see a man sprinting across the road away from the building.  Quick to follow him are two muscular men in suits who look suspiciously like the guys who have their butts glued to the chairs in the waiting room.  Your dentist notices you watching the chase and smiles at you.  “Don’t worry,” she says.  “They have guns and tasers.  He won’t get far.”
(If you couldn’t tell, I went to the dentist today.  Thus my scorn for dentists.  And if you were going to say that you feel my pain…*fiddles around in mouth with tongue*…No, I really doubt you do.  My anger/scorn/discontent, perhaps.  But not my pain.)

Between books for eight year olds and The Number One Bestseller, I think my library might be complete. Life goal: completed, mission: achieved.

I went to a book fair today at a library nearby.  It was awesome.  Crowded but so worth it.  I scored big time.  I’m very happy with my finds.

The finds?

-The Last Song and The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks.  I saw the movie for The Last Song, and I didn’t love it but I saw the book and I just thought, “Hmm.  I wonder what the book is like.”  I’ve read The Horse Whisperer (or is it simply Horse Whisperer?  I forget) and I liked it.  And the paperback books were on 25 cents (or 5 for a dollar), so I figured that if I hated it, it wasn’t too much of a loss.

-Sushi for Beginners by Marian Keyes.  I’ve never read anything by her but it looked like a happy/comical, adult-ish romance novel and I do enjoy those.

-While we’re on that topic, Can You Keep a Secret? by Sophie Kinsella.  I’ve read this book, (in fact, I’ve read…pretty much all of her books, except for the Shopaholic series which I read the first book of and was perfectly content to let the story stop there) and I adore it.  It’s really fantastic and funny.  I saw another one of her books, but I didn’t enjoy that as much so I didn’t buy it.

-A user’s guide to Adobe Photoshop CS2.  I actually have CS5, but considering that these books cost $20+ and this book was only $1 (or less.  I’m not entirely sure) and that I’m about 98.9% positive that CS2 and CS5 are very similar, it was worth it.  The way I see it, the book might not be able to tell me exactly what I need to do in order to achieve this effect, but it can direct me down the general road (whereupon I can experiment and try things out.  I’ve always learned better like that anyways) and it can also make me aware of things that I can use CS5 for that I hadn’t even thought of.  Honestly, I’m not going to buy $20+ book when I have the software at my fingertips and I’m not using it for anything but for fun.  I will, however, pay $1.  🙂

-Paper Towns by John Green.  It’s funny, you know.  I’m currently reading the last book of The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins (Mockingjay) and while it’s a good book, it’s sad and depressing and I have a sinking feeling that…well, something bad is going to happen and I hate sinking feelings and bad things…I like light, fluffy books that make you laugh and leave you with a smile on your face.  (And here I go and buy two Nicholas Sparks books.  Ugh.)  So, I went to Mara (if she’s not there, then she’s here) and browsed around on a selection of books she had reviewed, looking for something that was lighthearted and easy to read and something that would make me smile.  One of which was Paper Towns.  She said it was a good and funny read, so I thought, “Okay, I’ll see if it’s at the library next time I go in.”  Then, I’m at a different library (bigger one, actually), browsing around at the book fair.  I see one author whose name was Tim Green.  Ten minutes later, I see another author whose last name I forget but his first name was John.  For some reason, my mind puts these together (even though I had seen authors with the first time of John before that) and I remember about Paper Towns.  It never actually occurred to me, however, that I might find the book there.  I was completely flabbergasted when I did.  I read the prologue.  It looks like a good read.  I’m trying to decide whether or not I want to finish Mockingjay.

-How to Cheat a Dragon’s Curse by Cressida Cowell.  So last year, How to Train Your Dragon came out as a movie.  I watched and loved every minute.  This is the series that movie was based off of.  Now, admittedly, I haven’t read the other books, but come on.  It’s got dragons, it’s based off a movie I love, the main character’s best friend is afflicted with a lethal curse and will die unless Hiccup finds the cure, the legendary Potato.  How can this possibly go wrong?

“Well, let’s see.  1. It’s a book written for eight year olds…”

Shut up, Jiminy Cricket.

“2. It’s a book written for eight year olds…”

Stop talking. Now.

“3. It’s a book written for eight year olds.”

*Charlie glares and brings out duct tape.*

Ahem.  Where were we?

Stravaganza: City of Flowers by Mary Hoffman.  This is the third book in a series (or at least, it’s the third book as far as I know) that I’ve enj0yed in the past (aka, high school.  But hey, what can I say?  I’ve always had good taste in books) and I’m rather looking forward to reading this one.

– Lastly, Labyrinth by Kate Mosse.  This book I know next to nothing about and I’ve never heard of the author.  I mean, I read the back and thought, “Okay, yeah, this sounds…halfway decent,” whereupon I slipped it into my bag and only remembered it was there when I dumped my books out on the bed to take the afore-shown picture.  The part about this book that I like though?  If you take a closer look at the picture above (Labyrinth is the blue book on the bottom row), you’ll notice that right below the author’s name it has the words: The Number One Bestseller.

It didn’t top the New York Times bestseller list, it hasn’t sold over 10 million copies.  It’s not even the highest grossing book.  Nope.  All over the world, in the history of books, Labyrinth by Kate Mosse is The Number One Bestseller.  If you go to a bookstore in Nigeria and you ask for the book that sells the best, you will find yourself face-to-face with Labyrinth by Kate Mosse.  (It’s The Number One Bestseller, you know.)

And this time, you might actually want to listen when the guy selling the book tries to tell you that this is his last copy and that you better buy it now or it’s going to be gone in five minutes.

Cotton rainbow biking shorts should be outlawed. In fact, no one should be allowed to wear biking shorts unless they are biking at that exact moment.

All I really wanted to say was that my sister had a friend over (Mikki is 12, so her friend Holly must have been about that age as well).  It always shocks me when I look at 12 year olds who seem like they have half a brain because I was spacier than Jupiter in my preteen years.  At any rate, this girl…actually might have had a sense of style.  Maybe it was her mom.  Or maybe, it was a complete accident.  I’m not entirely sure.  It looked so effortless, it was hard to tell.  At any rate, she was wearing hot pink shorts and a light green t-shirt.  It was really the loose, white-and-yellow striped t-shirt that she wore over the green tank that really gave the look a polished, mature feel to it.  I mean, that was an outfit (maybe not the shorts, but only because I don’t think I could have pulled them off) that even I would have worn.

When I was her age, I wore rainbow biking shorts (but in cotton, not spandex) with ill-fitting graphic t-shirts.

Man, I want that shirt.

PS.  I just realized that you can rearrange the letters in ‘tea’ to spell ‘eat’.  Not that I expect you to care.

PPS: I love that old ’90s sitcom Dharma & Greg.  It always gets a laugh out of me.

Psychology with Charlie: On Freudian Slips

Phrase: Freudian Slips

Definition:  A freudian slip, also called a parapraxis, is an error in speech, memory, or physical action that is interpreted as occurring due to the interference of some unconscious (“dynamically repressed”) wish, conflict, or train of thought.

In English, this means that you say/do one thing when you mean to say/do one a second thing.  This confusion can be interpreted in such a way that people might guess at your deeper desires, wishes, conflicts or trains of thought.

For example:

Friend (while chatting on AIM): I called you.

Someone who might happen to be named Charlie:  Oh.  I’m not near my voice.  I mean, cell phone.

Now, here there was a confusion between the words “voice” and cell phone.  One might think that Charlie has this unconscious belief that she cannot communicate effectively or be heard unless she is using a piece of technology (like a cell phone).  One could extend this by saying that Charlie feels she cannot be heard unless she discards her natural source of communication and uses man made technology.

Why this works (or rather, why it’s supposed to.  Whether or not it does is anyone’s guess): Freud believed that you had your conscious thoughts and beliefs and everything and then there were your unconscious thoughts and beliefs and whatnot.  Normally, you keep a steady flow of consciousness – conscious thoughts and desires and stuff – but if you don’t zone out, then that’s when your unconscious thoughts and desires slip in and take control.  Obviously, in the example above, Charlie lost focus in that moment that she meant to type the word “cell phone” and her unconscious belief that she needs technology to communicate properly slipped in.


Sorry, it’s 1:12 AM here and I’m not functioning at full speed, you know?